I woke up every day worried that we’d nuked Spain overnight.

A buddy of mine is a wine steward. He quit smoking and said “Holy shit I can taste wine again. I’ve just been making it up for years!”

I don’t want to have a conversation while my dick is in my hand.

Ever listen to Meshuggah?

You know the difference between chickpeas and garbanzo beans?

I’ve never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

I meant soon.

Same thing with the guy who named it ‘dyslexia.’