I’m worried that stupid is our best case scenario. For all we know, the rest are stupid plus a cattle prod to the junk so might as well stick with the one that isn’t currently zapping my balls.

Probably just has to drool into the collection jar considering how much time these guys spend sucking themselves off.

Also, pee is stored in the balls. It’s a scientific fact.

/c/ToiletThoughts since they’re getting flushed away.

Strong entry for an Ig Nobel Prize if nothing else.

Arson, murder, and jaywalking.

Yeah, this shower thought is awfully judgy coming from a (presumably hypothetical) killer.

Turns out this was all due to a clerical error in the contract back when the system was built: instead of UN Secure Information Access, they got Unsecure Information Access.

But if I probe a deer, they say I’m a deviant and put me on a list. Bullshit double standard.

If you want to see someone who really deserves that title, check out Brendan O’Connor’s talk about the CreepyDOL project at DEFCON 21. Nice reminder of how much information most of us are leaking in the RF spectrum for anybody interested in listening and piecing things together.

And the side project authored by Chuck Tingle:

• Pounded in the Ass by a Truck into an Alternate Dimension

Sort of like how after you walk off a cliff, you don’t start falling until you look down.

It’s an avocato.

They’re out there but it’s been hard to document their existence since they blend in so well with their environment. This natural camouflage is a double-edged sword, however: they may be able to avoid getting eaten by predators but it also makes reproduction particularly challenging since they have a hard time finding one another to do it like the Discovery channel.

Even when a potential breeding pair are able to meet up, their coupling is far from guaranteed due to the abundance of other green orifices in their usual habitats. Grass-covered mole tunnels, mossy logs with holes in them and bee nests in leafy trees have all been accidental natural fleshlights for these poor creatures. Like they say, it’s not easy being green.

Also adopt UTC as global time while we’re improving things. No more messing around with all those different time zones, one is enough.

This makes sense if your jalopy is a missile.

It might be if it had to pay higher insurance rates afterward.

Give the deer a bright orange glow and then jam some deer genes into their predators so they have a harder time seeing that color. Close the loop by taking a selection of those predators’ features and distributing them at random in the glowing fish population.

Become a sovereign citizen (or at least play one for your marketing material) and through the power of belief in bullshit, you can sell courses on trading social security benefits to credulous morons.

Yeah, just having a little fun in the role of a paranoid admin. My setup isn’t worth mentioning since it fits my threat model (i.e. nobody gives a shit about my network, just don’t be the low hanging fruit) but I’m interested in other replies. Hope you get some useful responses here.